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Dancing with the Stars is Caliente!

March 17, 2009

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Dancing with the Stars is super hot. The show is worth watching for the beautiful costumes and chiseled bodies alone. Tony and Melissa totally stole the show tonight, they have amazing chemistry. But M’s days as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader definitely slipped out in her performance, the spirit hands and ear-to-ear fake smile have to go.

Holly Madison has newborn horse legs, she is awkward and it seemingly pains her to move that Playboy body. Hopefully Hollywood is more exciting in bed than she is on the dance floor…maybe she couldn’t keep up with Hef in bed, so he traded her in on three new models, literally.

Sadly Steve-O was injured, and his performance was judged by the dress rehersal. Please vote for the hot-mess turned hottie. It’s amazing what a shower, suit and balls Not stapled to the inner thigh can do for a man.

Save Steve-O for the sake of eye candy.

Watch DWTS, vote and enjoy, this seasons celebs are quite entertaining.

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Stinky Handler

March 16, 2009

Chelsea Handler is a hot-mess. At her stand-up show in Cincinnati. last week she proved to be a first-class biatch. And she wore boots and jeans that looked as equally shitty as the ones she is rocking in the video above-Hire an eff-ing stylist.

She came onstage with a red plastic cup…presumably filled with her drink of choice. Her hair looked like she had just crawled out of a Roman orgy, and StinkyChels sweated profusely. The sleeveless top she wore was saturated with sweat under her boobs…ewe. Long Boobs, Heather McDonald can trump Chels with Sweaty Boobs….Long Boobs beats Sweaty Boobs any day!

Heather McDonald is hilarious, and much prettier than she appears on t.v. Heather’s celeb impersonations are priceless and much more entertaining than Stinky’s childhood masturbation humor.

Stinky Handler clearly has other non-fans out there posting on her official E! forum. OMG, I’m surprised the bad attitude blond hasn’t banned katie/lynn for calling her stinky-ass out. “Mr. Chelsea needs to take better care of his situation.” said katie/lynn.  “Use more duct tape please, especially in a dress. I think I saw an outline and wasn’t of a twanger. That would explain the wide back and thick neck on her though.  I wish I had an explanation for her lack of humor and ridiculous and hacky use of midget humor. So O.V.E.R.”  

Long Boobs keep up the great work, and work on getting your own show away from that lush…you deserve it girl!

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Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches

March 13, 2009

Bridget Marquardt was the least beautiful of Hef’s former harem; of which Holly and Kendra hogged the spotlight. But now, it’s the ugly ducklings time to shine…tonight, Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches debued on the Travel channel. Though Bridget played second fiddle to fame whore Holly Madison and sporty Kendra Wilkinson in The Girls Next Door, Bridge is cute as the star of her own show. 

Travelchannelgirl123, a poster on the Travel channel forum is a long-time fan of the network, but displeased with the hostess choice for the new and highly publicized beach series, commenting that it’s appalling that the renowned network would lower its standards by hiring Bridge. “Are you trying to pander to a Hooter-going, lowbrow audience,” said Travelchannelgirl123.

It’s very run-of-the-mill so, if you have seen one beach show, you have seen Bridget’s…aside from the constant giggling and corny one liners! I don’t for see Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches getting picked up for a second season, unless she takes it Playboy style, and hosts next season is the buff. Before Bridge takes it all off she had better hit the gym a little harder, she’s not fat, just fluffy.

Seriously, Bridget, if Maniston can rock a 20-year-old bod at 40, you can do it at 35, girl…lay off the beach food, and use those Travel channel bucks to invest in a personal trainer.

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Keeping Up…with Chris Jenner

March 9, 2009

Poor, poor Khloe Kardashian is surrounded by crack-smokers known as her family. In case you missed the season premier of Keeping Up with the Kardashians…Khloe, the youngest of Chris and the late Robert’s litter, was sentenced to 30 days in jail for a 2007 DUI conviction, only to be released 3 hours later due to over-crowding. This is the good part, minutes after Khloe’s release her self-absorbed mother-of-the-year, Chris Jenner decided to drink her sorrows away at lunch, encouraging her other daughters to do so with her to “numb” herself.

Not only does Chris encourage her daughters to become alcoholics, but all she cares about when escorting Khloe into to courthouse is how She felt during the O.J. Simpson trial. Looks like mommy Jenner is the one who should spend some time on lock-down…ever heard of Promises, Chris?

Stay strong Khloe..we love you even though Donald Trump clearly does not!

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Nobody Cares, Jason

March 5, 2009

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OMG…who really effing cares about Jason Mesnick and the two losers battling for his love, ratings booster proposal? Isn’t America disgusted with these pathetic bitches, who fall madly in love with douche-bags like Jason over the course of a few dates (most of which are group dates)?

The faux proposal to boost ABC‘s ratings is ridiculous, the producers must have offered freckle-face a large sum of money to allow herself to be publicly humiliated in such a way. The next season of The Bachelor should hold a public execution for the loser, and contractually obligate the winner to a minimum of a 10-year marriage/sentence to the Bach…losing a super sweet prize package if the nuptials should fail!

The attention whoring contestants should have spent the time they were filming for this show in a mental institution, seeking help for their security issues.

Get a life…Jason, nobody Cares!!!

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Britney is Working for Candies Y’all

March 4, 2009

Ms. Spears is back, and looking Fab! Brit Brit divorced her free-loading back-up dancer, had a meltdown and was taken over by her father (recovering alcoholic), Jamie Spears. Candies has picked Brit up as their official ’09 spokeswoman, she has joined the ranks of former Candies model/singer/former meth addict, Fergie. What a difference a year and guidance from daddy can make! Britney looks better than ever (clearly she’s given up the crack) and hired a trainer. Tonight is the kick-off of the Circus Tour in New Orleans; looks like all of Brit’s hard work has paid off, the show should be well worth the ticket price of $37.50…and up (way up).

The costumes for the 2009 Circus Tour are Amazing thanks to Pillipe and David Blond.

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Goodbye Girls

March 2, 2009
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OMSadness…the final episode of Girls Next Door :(

Holly, Bridget and Kendra moved out of the mansion months ago, but the last episode of GND just aired and it brought a tear to my eye. Bridget broke away from prison, life at the mansion with Hef to pursue a job hosting a travel show (hope it turns out better than Taradise).  Hef was soooo supportive when Kendra dumped him for an NFL stud, at least prune-face was smart enough to put her ass back in the Honda before leaving the premises…Holl Madison didn’t state her reasons for leaving on-air, but we all know that she was mixing business with pleasure when she went to Vegas for a photo shoot, Criss Angel visit.

Boo-hoo, just happy to see that Hef wasn’t alone long, the twins rushed in to replace our favorite Girls Next Door.

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